Life keeps moving but not at the pace that I thought that it would. I still couldn't tell you where I thought that I would be at my age but I'm sure that they wasn't where I thought that I would be.
Working three different jobs trying to make some semblance of money and living the American dream. Though I suppose right now I don't have much interest in the American dream. At 26 I still have no vision for myself married and with kids within the next five years. So what is my American dream right now? Good question. And thus part of the current quest.
I work six days a week and make little to no money. I don't have the extra money to pay off my car nor the extra money to even pay the gas in my car. So for those I rely on the graciousness of my parents. I know I probably should be more independent that I am but the reality is that is reality. I don't have enough savings wise to just pick up and move somewhere where there is a better prospect of jobs. Despite what people what to tell me I do need about two months to three months minimum in money to survive in the time period that it would minimally be required to job hunt.
You know what people need to stop telling me is how easy it is to get a full time job. Time has changed. Getting a job in the East where the jobs are not as in abundance as the cost of living around this area is high. I think the answer is just to move out of the state. How I go about it and where I want to go is another question that remains to be answered. Answers I am in short supply of these days.
Sometimes I wonder if we will ever get to the financial security and happiness that our parents generation is able to achieve. For most of us twenty somethings we aren't making enough money to pay back student loans, get out of the house, make bill payments and pay for gas and a car. So where does it in the end up leaving us? Working a few part time jobs in the hope that we can make enough to live comfortably at our parents house with their help. At least that is the position that I am lucky enough to find myself in. So in that regard that is one lucky thing that I have going on right now.
So despite the downs I think sometimes we forget to see the ups.
So looking at an up I think I shall end here until the next pondering hits me.
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Employed...and Miserable...
So for the last seven or so months I have become a working girl. I thought that I would make money and that I would be happier. With money I would be able to go out more, do the things that I want to do along with buy the things that I want to.
The reality is this though...They are right when they say that money can't buy happiness. I think I was happier when I was unemployed and broke. Granted I had great parents to help me through that period, but I think that I was so much happier. Perhaps though it was a better time period and has nothing to do with whether or not I was employed.
Back when I was unemployed the boyfriend was studying law. I think that perhaps that is what I miss I miss the carefree days of life and my relationship. Suddenly both of us in the relationship had to be adults. Suddenly the issues and stuff on our plates got bigger. More was being demanded of us to hold the once easy and carefree relationship together. I wasn't ready.
What I had prepared for was the fact he was going to be an hour away rather than four. That was all that I had prepared for. I didn't prepare for the working, the distance, and least of all the arguing. After a while it became us standing on opposing sides of the street. We weren't communicating. We were staring at each other but we weren't communicating.
Things seem easier from the other side of the fence. What we were not doing was painting our side of the fence green. We seemed to have stopped doing that. I had stopped looking forward to seeing him. I wasn't singing in the car with that giant smile on my face anymore. I then became resentful. Resentful that after working throughout the day I was now in a car driving to see him. It wasn't fun anymore it started to feel like a chore. We didn't have the time we used to together.
I wasn't listening anymore.
The reality is this though...They are right when they say that money can't buy happiness. I think I was happier when I was unemployed and broke. Granted I had great parents to help me through that period, but I think that I was so much happier. Perhaps though it was a better time period and has nothing to do with whether or not I was employed.
Back when I was unemployed the boyfriend was studying law. I think that perhaps that is what I miss I miss the carefree days of life and my relationship. Suddenly both of us in the relationship had to be adults. Suddenly the issues and stuff on our plates got bigger. More was being demanded of us to hold the once easy and carefree relationship together. I wasn't ready.
What I had prepared for was the fact he was going to be an hour away rather than four. That was all that I had prepared for. I didn't prepare for the working, the distance, and least of all the arguing. After a while it became us standing on opposing sides of the street. We weren't communicating. We were staring at each other but we weren't communicating.
Things seem easier from the other side of the fence. What we were not doing was painting our side of the fence green. We seemed to have stopped doing that. I had stopped looking forward to seeing him. I wasn't singing in the car with that giant smile on my face anymore. I then became resentful. Resentful that after working throughout the day I was now in a car driving to see him. It wasn't fun anymore it started to feel like a chore. We didn't have the time we used to together.
I wasn't listening anymore.
So now the question is: Where do we go from here?
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Life and the Paths We Take
How many times has one of these questions crossed your mind?
What if I had done things differently?
What if I had chosen a different path?
For some of us that question pops up with a fair bit of frequency and then for others it only pops up when things don't go their way. What is the answer though? Would things be radically different if you had chosen a different path or done things differently? The answer is that we shall never know. Mainly because that is the past and there is nothing that we can do in regards to changing the past. Better yet if we did have the power to go back in time would the result still be the same regardless of the path that we take.
Are we predestined to the extent that even if we change the path the end result is still the same. Look at the Time Machine. Guy Pierce's character goes back to try and stop the murder of his fiancee. Yet no matter how hard he tries to prevent the incident from happening it still happens. There is nothing that he can do to stop the incident from happening.
Are our life's the same? Are our lives predestined or do we always have a choice?
There is part of me that wants to go with our lives are predestined but then again I'm a Gemini and like to look at both sides. Thus in true fashion there is part of me that thinks that we always have a choice. At least the choice always presents itself. Whether or not we choose to take that choice is up to us, which leads to another choice. Which would present that there is always a choice. However, none of this can be tested until some reader out there can come up with a means to test it via a time machine. Maybe one day we will get there. Maybe.
So what brought this thought to light? Something dad mentioned to me that I had forgotten. Marketing. Marketing would have been my major in college had I not had the English teachers that I did starting in high school and continuing into college. So what's my point? My point is that I was wondering would my life be different had I chosen that particular path. Would I have a career by now? Hard to tell especially with the state that our economy is in. It's all hard to tell because the reality is though there are a lot of good things in life that I have and had the chance to experience on my current path.
So maybe wondering is in itself not worth it beyond the usual flight of fancy. Since we can't change the past and we don't want to risk changing and losing our present. We at the end of the day just have to accept that this is our life whether or not it's the path that we envisioned ourselves to be on. Perhaps the faith should rest in one's self. Faith that we will know what to path to choose and what is right for us. I think at the end of the day I think that is all that we can ask for and of ourselves.
What if I had done things differently?
What if I had chosen a different path?
For some of us that question pops up with a fair bit of frequency and then for others it only pops up when things don't go their way. What is the answer though? Would things be radically different if you had chosen a different path or done things differently? The answer is that we shall never know. Mainly because that is the past and there is nothing that we can do in regards to changing the past. Better yet if we did have the power to go back in time would the result still be the same regardless of the path that we take.
Are we predestined to the extent that even if we change the path the end result is still the same. Look at the Time Machine. Guy Pierce's character goes back to try and stop the murder of his fiancee. Yet no matter how hard he tries to prevent the incident from happening it still happens. There is nothing that he can do to stop the incident from happening.
Are our life's the same? Are our lives predestined or do we always have a choice?
There is part of me that wants to go with our lives are predestined but then again I'm a Gemini and like to look at both sides. Thus in true fashion there is part of me that thinks that we always have a choice. At least the choice always presents itself. Whether or not we choose to take that choice is up to us, which leads to another choice. Which would present that there is always a choice. However, none of this can be tested until some reader out there can come up with a means to test it via a time machine. Maybe one day we will get there. Maybe.
So what brought this thought to light? Something dad mentioned to me that I had forgotten. Marketing. Marketing would have been my major in college had I not had the English teachers that I did starting in high school and continuing into college. So what's my point? My point is that I was wondering would my life be different had I chosen that particular path. Would I have a career by now? Hard to tell especially with the state that our economy is in. It's all hard to tell because the reality is though there are a lot of good things in life that I have and had the chance to experience on my current path.
So maybe wondering is in itself not worth it beyond the usual flight of fancy. Since we can't change the past and we don't want to risk changing and losing our present. We at the end of the day just have to accept that this is our life whether or not it's the path that we envisioned ourselves to be on. Perhaps the faith should rest in one's self. Faith that we will know what to path to choose and what is right for us. I think at the end of the day I think that is all that we can ask for and of ourselves.
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Nothing to Lose...Temporarily Employed
They say that everything happens for a reason. Does anyone else get tired of hearing that constantly? Especially in this economy and with the lack of jobs out there...I do at times. I thought that things were looking up. I thought that things were going to be able to be to get better. Interesting thing about this time around I'm not as sad and down as I used to be when things didn't work out as I had hoped. Maybe life is teaching me something.
I thought that a job prospect was happening. I did training and such but when the time came the reality was that it fell down the rabbit hole. The prospect that I thought was there turned out to be a dead end. Yet this time around I leave a bit more hopeful. This time though I am looking as this little hiccup as 1. money in my pocket, 2. experience that hopefully if help was ever needed again I would be first on the list to be called, and 3. something to place on the resume along with s couple of references to add.
My dad always tells me to do things mainly based on the theory of 'what do you have to lose'. This was definitely one of those cases. I really didn't have anything to lose by trying this opportunity out. Granted it didn't work out the way that I had hoped but there is still nothing lost. Nothing lost short of the job. That is life though. I do wish it had worked out in my favour.
Back to the drawing board...I will probably be more grumbly about that concept come a week or two from now. Only time will tell. We shall see what the future holds for me. Add that to the saying 'everything happens for a reason'.
I thought that a job prospect was happening. I did training and such but when the time came the reality was that it fell down the rabbit hole. The prospect that I thought was there turned out to be a dead end. Yet this time around I leave a bit more hopeful. This time though I am looking as this little hiccup as 1. money in my pocket, 2. experience that hopefully if help was ever needed again I would be first on the list to be called, and 3. something to place on the resume along with s couple of references to add.
My dad always tells me to do things mainly based on the theory of 'what do you have to lose'. This was definitely one of those cases. I really didn't have anything to lose by trying this opportunity out. Granted it didn't work out the way that I had hoped but there is still nothing lost. Nothing lost short of the job. That is life though. I do wish it had worked out in my favour.
Back to the drawing board...I will probably be more grumbly about that concept come a week or two from now. Only time will tell. We shall see what the future holds for me. Add that to the saying 'everything happens for a reason'.
Monday, September 13, 2010
Relationship Musings
People seem to think that relationships on any level, whether it'd be friendship or relationships with a boyfriend or girlfriend are supposed to be easy. I'm not sure why any sane person thinks that at all. Not even a relationship with a pet is easy, even pets that are housed in tanks or cages. So why is that people think relationships are going to be easy. Who the heck wrote that book? I sure as heck didn't nor did I read it thoroughly because if I did I'm sure I'd be so much better at relationships.
Relationships are complicated. Sometimes I wonder if they are complicated by nature or whether or not we as humans make them complicated? It's probably a combination of both. By nature a relationship of any kind is a two way street, but we as humans aren't always aware of that fact that we take advantage of it and put the effort that is needed to be in the relationship.
Plus there are three types of people in the relationship. The selfish ones, the giver, and the team player. If one is lucky then you'd get the team player. I call this person the team player because that is the person that is always in your corner and the person that is 50/50 even partnership in the relationship.
Sometimes though you get the selfish one. The one where it's essentially my world and you are just living in it. Then there are those who are the other end of the selfish, the giver. For the most part these two paired together in the same relationship (such has been my experience though?). The giver is the one that keeps over-looking the other selfishness of the other and continuously still giving. The problem that the giver seems to have is that after time they get tired of being the only one giving. After a time they need to be shown the same consideration and love that they themselves have been showing to the other person in the relationship.
And yet relationships are how you find out about the person that you are. What you can handle, what you're looking for in life. Relationships don't always work out and last the way that people want them too, but a lot of the time there is a lesson in there somewhere. That is life though always trying to teach us lessons even if we don't want to be taught any.
Relationships though never easy are sometimes really rewarding. On top of learning who you are, they (if you find the right person/people to be part of your life) will allow to have some amazing memories, along with laugh, be shoulders to cry on, and much more.
So sometimes when you think there is nothing good about relationships remember the good then re-evaluate as to whether or not it's a good relationship or not.
Relationships are complicated. Sometimes I wonder if they are complicated by nature or whether or not we as humans make them complicated? It's probably a combination of both. By nature a relationship of any kind is a two way street, but we as humans aren't always aware of that fact that we take advantage of it and put the effort that is needed to be in the relationship.
Plus there are three types of people in the relationship. The selfish ones, the giver, and the team player. If one is lucky then you'd get the team player. I call this person the team player because that is the person that is always in your corner and the person that is 50/50 even partnership in the relationship.
Sometimes though you get the selfish one. The one where it's essentially my world and you are just living in it. Then there are those who are the other end of the selfish, the giver. For the most part these two paired together in the same relationship (such has been my experience though?). The giver is the one that keeps over-looking the other selfishness of the other and continuously still giving. The problem that the giver seems to have is that after time they get tired of being the only one giving. After a time they need to be shown the same consideration and love that they themselves have been showing to the other person in the relationship.
And yet relationships are how you find out about the person that you are. What you can handle, what you're looking for in life. Relationships don't always work out and last the way that people want them too, but a lot of the time there is a lesson in there somewhere. That is life though always trying to teach us lessons even if we don't want to be taught any.
Relationships though never easy are sometimes really rewarding. On top of learning who you are, they (if you find the right person/people to be part of your life) will allow to have some amazing memories, along with laugh, be shoulders to cry on, and much more.
So sometimes when you think there is nothing good about relationships remember the good then re-evaluate as to whether or not it's a good relationship or not.
Tuesday, September 07, 2010
Accountability
Is it me or have women/girls today stopped allowing themselves to be held accountable for not only what they say but their actions as well? Why do women/girls today not own up to who they are as people. Why does it seem like they can do whatever they please whenever they please and never have to own up to it?
We live in an age where women/girls are taught to be independent women. To be strong women who are dependent only on one person, themselves. Yet, there are quite a few times when I see times where women/girls are using and manipulating men/boys. They use men/boys to get a free meal out of them as well as, when they are dating, an expensive purse or some other pricey gift.
Maybe I am out in left field but when I go out to dinner with a guy friend of mine I feel there are two ways to handle that situation, especially when one is in a committed relationship, one way is to go Dutch, split the check, a shocking concept especially to those women who believe not only should their boyfriend/husband cater to them but every man on the planet. Another way to handle the situation is if he pays for the entire dinner then the next time that you two go out together YOU pay for the entire dinner. Now granted guys feel a bit odd when a woman pays for their dinner so your best bet is to just split the check. That way especially if you are in a relationship you don't give your guy friend the wrong idea.
Another thing I have an issue with is that girl that thinks that because it's her birthday or a holiday that your poor boyfriend/husband must either put together an extravagant event or buy that latest Michael Kors purse. Don't get me wrong presents are very much acceptable but not at the demanding level. Allow your guy to put some thought into the gift and allow him to choose the amount that he wishes to spend on you. Again if you BOTH conclude that spending crazy amounts of money of your significant other is what you wish to do then go forward and be happy. At the end of the day though if you're in a relationship then you need to just be happy with the person that your significant other is not with the money he has. Just my two cents though.
Personally if I want that expensive Michael Kors bag I'm going to find a way to get it on my own dime. I would feel better about owning that bag if I got it for myself rather than being one of those women/girls that demands her significant other get it for her. That's just how I feel about it personally. I feel achieved and proud of myself if I can provide for myself the things that I want.
I think that is where things fall flat. Why wait around for some guy to buy your dinner or that purse that you're eyeing? Why not find a way to achieve it? When did women/girls stop being responsible for their actions and how they act as people? I wonder...because I am not sure, but there is a part of me that is completely wrong about those peeves.
We live in an age where women/girls are taught to be independent women. To be strong women who are dependent only on one person, themselves. Yet, there are quite a few times when I see times where women/girls are using and manipulating men/boys. They use men/boys to get a free meal out of them as well as, when they are dating, an expensive purse or some other pricey gift.
Maybe I am out in left field but when I go out to dinner with a guy friend of mine I feel there are two ways to handle that situation, especially when one is in a committed relationship, one way is to go Dutch, split the check, a shocking concept especially to those women who believe not only should their boyfriend/husband cater to them but every man on the planet. Another way to handle the situation is if he pays for the entire dinner then the next time that you two go out together YOU pay for the entire dinner. Now granted guys feel a bit odd when a woman pays for their dinner so your best bet is to just split the check. That way especially if you are in a relationship you don't give your guy friend the wrong idea.
Another thing I have an issue with is that girl that thinks that because it's her birthday or a holiday that your poor boyfriend/husband must either put together an extravagant event or buy that latest Michael Kors purse. Don't get me wrong presents are very much acceptable but not at the demanding level. Allow your guy to put some thought into the gift and allow him to choose the amount that he wishes to spend on you. Again if you BOTH conclude that spending crazy amounts of money of your significant other is what you wish to do then go forward and be happy. At the end of the day though if you're in a relationship then you need to just be happy with the person that your significant other is not with the money he has. Just my two cents though.
Personally if I want that expensive Michael Kors bag I'm going to find a way to get it on my own dime. I would feel better about owning that bag if I got it for myself rather than being one of those women/girls that demands her significant other get it for her. That's just how I feel about it personally. I feel achieved and proud of myself if I can provide for myself the things that I want.
I think that is where things fall flat. Why wait around for some guy to buy your dinner or that purse that you're eyeing? Why not find a way to achieve it? When did women/girls stop being responsible for their actions and how they act as people? I wonder...because I am not sure, but there is a part of me that is completely wrong about those peeves.
Friday, September 03, 2010
Dreams
Ever wonder why we dream and what they mean?
Are they our subconscious showing us emotions that we awake are afraid to feel?
Or are dreams merely entertainment for our sleeping state?
Are they our subconscious showing us emotions that we awake are afraid to feel?
Or are dreams merely entertainment for our sleeping state?
Honestly I have no answers. Granted if I did then I would be fairly wealthy. I flip flop back and forth about how I feel about dreams. Sometimes it does seem like my subconscious is trying to tell me to acknowledge feelings that awake I am ignoring yet I know that I am ignoring. Other times though I am pretty sure I'm feeling feelings that I am pretty sure I am not ignoring because such feelings aren't even possible in my current realm of being.
Then there are times though I wonder where the heck the dream was going and why there are so many impossibilities going on in the dream like how the heck did I end up in the middle of "True Blood". Because that is really not something I personally wish to do....be dropped in the middle of an episode to be more specific. I prefer sunshine and rainbows.
Dreams however are never what we think that they are. Sometimes maybe they are. Maybe that is the mystery of the subconscious that I have not delved into and for me personally safer not to know because then it'd be added craziness to my awake hours.
That's all the thoughts I have for now. Until the next wave of brilliance or lack thereof.
Then there are times though I wonder where the heck the dream was going and why there are so many impossibilities going on in the dream like how the heck did I end up in the middle of "True Blood". Because that is really not something I personally wish to do....be dropped in the middle of an episode to be more specific. I prefer sunshine and rainbows.
Dreams however are never what we think that they are. Sometimes maybe they are. Maybe that is the mystery of the subconscious that I have not delved into and for me personally safer not to know because then it'd be added craziness to my awake hours.
That's all the thoughts I have for now. Until the next wave of brilliance or lack thereof.
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